“Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.” – Kahlil Gibran
Parenting is one of the most profound journeys a person can take, filled with love, joy, fear, and responsibility. As parents, we often feel the weight of shaping our children’s future — guiding them, teaching them, protecting them. But somewhere along the way, it’s vital to recognise an even greater responsibility: letting them be who they truly are.
Letting Go with Love: A Parent’s Story of Trusting the Journey
Being a single parent, trying to be both Mum and Dad, comes with its own set of challenges — a delicate balancing act between protector, nurturer, guide, and cheerleader. One of the most profound challenges I’ve faced as a parent has been learning when to hold on, and when to let go.
When my son Jesse was navigating his final school years, we spent a lot of time talking about career options. Having renovated our home together over several years, it was no surprise to me that he loved building things — creating with his hands, bringing plans to life. He was good at it, too.
Still, I encouraged him to consider engineering. I talked about the benefits: less physical strain, better pay, more opportunities. It seemed like a smart move. And he agreed — or at least he said he did.
I threw myself into helping him get there. His grades were good, but not quite where they needed to be for university entry, so we worked hard — together. Meetings with teachers and the school principal followed, mapping out a pathway into engineering. I was proud of the effort, proud of Jesse, and confident we were on the right track.
But somewhere along the way, I didn’t stop to really ask — or listen — to what Jesse wanted.
After six months of preparation for engineering, Jesse came to me and said, “I’m over it.” He didn’t want to be behind a desk. He wanted to be outside, building things — like we used to do at home. He wanted to create with his hands, not calculate from behind a screen.
In that moment, I was hit with the echo of my own past. I remembered the day I told my dad I didn’t want to work in our family hairdressing business anymore. I wanted a different path — one of my own choosing. The emotion I had felt then — a mix of fear, hope, and longing for independence — came rushing back. And now I saw it mirrored in my own son.
That conversation changed everything.
Today, Jesse runs a successful building business. He works hard. His back gets sore sometimes. But every day, he shows up to a career that he chose. His victories are his own — as are his stumbles — and he carries both with pride and humility.
Why Freedom Matters
Children are born with their own personalities, passions, and perspectives. Our job isn’t to mold them into smaller versions of ourselves, but to nurture them into their fullest, truest expressions. When we give children the freedom to be themselves — to explore, to question, to dream — we affirm their worth and uniqueness.
This freedom builds self-confidence, resilience, and a deep sense of self-awareness. It encourages them to trust their inner voice, to make mistakes and learn from them, and to understand that they are loved not for who we want them to be, but for who they already are.
Letting Go Is Hard — And Necessary
Letting go doesn’t mean being absent or uninvolved. It means releasing control over outcomes and allowing space for independence. That’s hard. It brings up fear — of failure, of rejection, of watching them make painful mistakes. But holding on too tightly often comes from fear, not love. And fear stifles growth.
It’s equally challenging for the child. They’re often caught between wanting autonomy and needing guidance. That’s where open communication becomes crucial.
The Power of Communication
Creating space for children to speak honestly — without fear of punishment, ridicule, or shame — builds a foundation of mutual respect. When parents listen with empathy, rather than judgment, children learn to share openly. This doesn’t mean agreeing with everything they say, but validating their experience and helping them navigate life with a steady, loving hand.
From Control to Connection
A relationship based on trust rather than fear is transformational. When children are raised in fear — fear of punishment, disapproval, or failure — they may comply, but often at the cost of authenticity. Trust, however, breeds courage, creativity, and connection.
As parents, when we release control, we make room for connection. We get to know the real person our child is becoming, not just the image we hold of them.
The Beautiful Outcome
Letting go, done with love and presence, is not a loss — it’s a gift. It says: I believe in you. I trust your path. I’ll always be here, but I don’t need to hold the reins.
In return, we often gain something far more precious — a strong, respectful relationship with an independent, authentic human being.
Final Thought:
Letting go isn’t a one-time act. It’s a series of small choices we make each day as our children grow. It takes courage, patience, and love — but the reward is a deep, enduring connection based not on control, but on unconditional trust.
“To love your children is to set them free — not to walk away, but to walk beside them as they learn to walk their own path.”
By Jay Longden